Season 7 Quotes

Eleven Clara Oswin Oswald

The Doctor: Ah, hello. Can someone untie me, please?
Clara: Do you think I’m pretty?
The Doctor: No. You’re too short and bossy, and your nose is all funny.
Clara: Good enough.

Cyber-Planner: Hey, Clara! There you are. Now, a quick rundown. What’s our weapons strength?
Clara: One big gun, five of those hand pulsar units, and a shiny black bomb that implodes the planet.
Cyber-Planner: Yeah, yeah. That one. Now, tell me, does it happen, possibly, to have a sort-of remote triggery thing? [She shows it to him] Brilliant. Pass it here.
Clara: No.
Cyber-Planner: Why not?
Clara:In case you’re not you right now. Or even if you are – just in case.
Cyber-Planner: Oh, don’t worry. The Cyber-Planner’s hibernating between moves right now. Shh.
Clara: Prove you’re you. Tell me something only the Doctor knows.
Cyber-Planner: Clara… I suppose… I’m the only one who knows how I… feel about you right now. How funny you are… so funny… and pretty. [She smiles] And the truth is I’m starting to like you in a way that is more than just… [He leans in to kiss her. She slaps him].
The Doctor: Ow! Ow, ow! Yes! It’s me! That really hurt!

Brains: With respect, ma’am, we ought to be hunting the creature.
Clara: The only reason I’m still alive is because I do what the Doctor says. Can you guarantee me you’d bring back my children alive and unharmed? [Brains shakes his head] I trust the Doctor.
Captain Ferrin: You think he knows what he’s doing?
Clara: I’m not sure I’d go that far.

The Doctor: Okay… I think she’s about done. [He opens the door as Clara regains consciousness.] I know who you think she is, but she isn’t. She can’t be.
Madame Vastra: I was right, then. You and Clara have unfinished business.
The Doctor: [Clara collapses into the Doctor’s arms.] Hey, hey. Hello, stranger.
Clara: Doctor? [She pokes his face and smiles, then notices Vastra and Jenny watching] Hi. What’s going on?
The Doctor: [Adopting a Yorkshire accent] Haven’t you heard, love? There’s trouble at t’mill. [He gestures to Vastra] She’s a lizard.

The Doctor: Don’t try to leave! The TARDIS is in lock-down. I’ll open those doors when Clara’s by my side.
Bram: You crazy lunatic!
The Doctor: My ship, my rules!
Gregor: You’ll kill us all, and the girl.
The Doctor: She’s going to die if you don’t help me. Don’t get into a spaceship with a mad man. Didn’t anyone teach you that?

The Doctor: Collapsing universe. You and me dead. Two minutes. No time — complete sentences. Abandon planet!

Clara: [Trying to open the TARDIS doors from the outside] Come on! Come on! Let me in you stupid old cow!
[TARDIS Hologram of Clara appears]

Clara: Woah! What’s this, now?
TARDIS Voice Visual Interface: TARDIS Voice Visual Interface. I’m programmed to select the image of a person you esteem. Of several billion such images in my database this one best meets the criterion.
Clara: [looks disgusted] You are a cow! I knew it!

Clara: Have we just watched the entire life cycle of Earth, birth to death?
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: And you’re okay with that?
The Doctor: Yes…
Clara: How can you be?
The Doctor: The TARDIS. She’s… time. We… wibbly vortex and so on.
Clara: That’s not what I mean.
The Doctor: Okay. Some help? Context? Cheat sheet? Something?
Clara: I mean one minute you’re in 1974 looking for ghosts, but all you have to do is open your eyes and talk to whoever’s standing there. To you, I haven’t been born yet. And, to you, I’ve been dead a hundred billion years. [Clara looks at the ruined Earth of the distant future displayed on the TARDIS scanner] Is my body out there somewhere? In the ground?
The Doctor: Yes. I suppose it is.
Clara: But here we are, talking, so I am a ghost. To you, I’m a ghost. We’re all ghosts to you. We must be nothing.
The Doctor: No. No. You’re not that.
Clara: Then what are we? What can we possibly be?
The Doctor: You are the only mystery worth solving.

The Doctor: I’m always serious. With days off.

Clara: Are we going to be ok?
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: Is that a lie?
The Doctor: Possibly. Very dangerous time, Clara. East and West standing on the brink of nuclear oblivion. Lots of itchy fingers on the button.
Clara: Isn’t it always like that?
The Doctor: Sorta. But there are flash points and this is one of them. Hair, shoulder pads, nukes. It’s the ’80s. Everything’s bigger.

The Doctor: I walked away from the Last Great Time War. I marked the passing of the Time Lords. I saw the birth of the universe, and I watched as time ran out, moment by moment, until nothing remained. No time, no space – just me. I’ve walked in universes where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a madman. I’ve watched universes freeze and creations burn. I have seen things you wouldn’t believe. I have lost things you will never understand. And I know things. Secrets that must never be told, knowledge that must never be spoken, knowledge that will make parasite gods blaze! So, come on, then! Take it! Take it all, baby! Have it! You have it all!

Clara: Did you just lock us in?
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: With the soul-eating monster?
The Doctor: Yep.
Clara: And is there actually a way to get out?
The Doctor: What? Before it eats our souls?
Clara: Ideally, yes.
The Doctor: Possibly. Probably. There usually seems to be.

The Doctor: [In 1207 AD, answering the Tardis phone] Hello?
Clara: [In 2013 AD, on her telephone] Ah, hello! I can’t find the internet.
The Doctor: I’m sorry?
Clara: It’s gone, the internet. Can’t find it anywhere. Where is it?
The Doctor: The internet?
Clara: Yes, the internet. Why don’t I have the internet?
The Doctor: It’s twelve-oh-seven (1207).
Clara: I’ve got half past three. Am I phoning a different time zone?
The Doctor: Yeah, you really sort of are.
Clara: Will it show up on the bill?
The Doctor: Oh, I dread to think.

The Doctor: I’m the Doctor. I’m an alien from outer space. I’m a thousand years old, I’ve got two hearts, and I can’t fly a plane! Can you?
Clara: No!
The Doctor: Ooh, fine! Let’s do it together!

Clara: This is actually what you do? Do you just crook your fingers and people just jump in your snog-box and fly away?
The Doctor: It is not a snog-box!
Clara: I’ll be the judge of that.
The Doctor: Starting when?
Clara: Come back tomorrow, ask me again.
The Doctor: Why?
Clara: ‘Cause tomorrow, I might say yes. [starts for the doors] Some time after seven okay for you?
The Doctor: It’s a time machine, any time’s okay.
Clara: See you then.

Strax: Sir, permission to express my opposition to your current apathy?
The Doctor: Permission granted.
Strax: Sir, I am opposed to your current apathy.
The Doctor: Thank you, Strax. And if I’m ever in need of advice from a psychotic potato dwarf, you’ll certainly be the first to know.

The Doctor: What are you doing here?
Strax: Madame Vastra wondered if you were needing any grenades?
The Doctor: Grenades?
Strax: She might have said “help”.

The Doctor: Don’t try to be clever, Strax, it doesn’t suit you.
Strax: Sorry, sir.
The Doctor: I’m the clever one, you’re the potato one.

Strax: Sir, please do not “noogie” me during combat prep!

Clara: How did we get up so high so quick?
The Doctor: Clever staircase. It’s taller on the inside!

The Doctor[Crawling out of the window] Come on, quickly! What are you doing?
Clara[Stuck in the window] My bustle is stuck!
The Doctor[ Pulls her out of the window] Your bustle?
[They land on the snow, Clara on top of the Doctor]

The Doctor: You’re going to have to take those clothes off.
[Clara gasps]

The Doctor[Realises his mistake] I didn’t mean-
Clara: I know-
The Doctor: I just-
Clara: I understand, I do.
The Doctor: Good.
Clara: Now, what’s the plan?
The Doctor: Who says I got a plan?
Clara: ‘Course you got a plan, you took that. [Picks up the umbrella]
The Doctor[Looks at it] Maybe I’m an idiot!
[They stand up]

Clara: You’re not, you’re clever, really clever.

The Doctor: It’s called the TARDIS. It can travel anywhere in time and space. And it’s mine.
Clara: But it’s… look at it, it’s…
The Doctor: Go on, say it. Most people do.
Clara[runs around TARDIS, then reenters] It’s smaller on the outside.
The Doctor: …Okay, that is a first.

River: What matters is this. Doctor – don’t travel alone.
The Doctor: Travel with me, then.
River: Whenever and wherever you want. [The Doctor smiles a little] But not all the time. One psychopath per TARDIS, don’t you think?

Rory: I always wanted to visit the Statue of Liberty…[Cut to a wide shot with the Statue of Liberty behind Rory]…I guess she got impatient.

The Doctor: You just changed the future!
River: It’s called marriage, honey. Now hush, I’m working.

Amy: Where did you get this book?
The Doctor:It was in my jacket.
Amy: How did it get there?
The Doctor: How did anything get there, I’ve given up asking.

Amy: What’s River doing in a book? What’s Rory doing in a book?
Doctor: He went to get coffee. Pay attention.
Amy: He went to get coffee and turned up in a book. How does that work?!
Doctor: I don’t know, we’re in New York!

The Doctor: The pest-controllers of the universe, that’s how the tales went, isn’t it?
Amy: Wow. That’s some seriously weird bedtime story.
The Doctor: You can talk. Wolf in your grandmother’s nightdress?

[Amy, Rory, and the Doctor are sitting on the couch eating fish fingers and custard.]
The Doctor: If I had a restaurant, this’d be all I’d serve.
Amy: Yeah, right! You running a restaurant.
The Doctor: I’ve run restaurants. Who do you think invented the Yorkshire pudding?
Rory[laughs, then realizes the Doctor is being serious] You didn’t?
The Doctor: Pudding, yet savory. Sound familiar?

Rory: There are soldiers all over my house, and I’m in my pants.
Amy: My whole life I’ve dreamed of saying that, and I miss it by being someone else.

The Doctor: Can I borrow your horse, please? It’s official Marshall business. [He mounts the preacher’s horse]
Preacher: He’s called Joshua. It’s from the Bible. It means “the deliverer”.[The horse snorts]
The Doctor: No, he isn’t.
Preacher: What?
The Doctor: I speak horse. He’s called Susan.[The horse snorts]
The Doctor: And he wants you to respect his life choices.

The Doctor: That’s not right. [Points sonic screwdriver at the street lamp]
Rory: It’s a street lamp.
The Doctor: An electric street lamp, about 10 years too early.
Rory: It’s only a few years out.
The Doctor: That’s what you said when you left your phone charger in Henry the Eighth old suite. 

The Doctor: We evacuate the town, our ship’s just over the hills, room for everyone. I’ll pop out, bring it back here, Robert’s your uncle.
Amy: Really!? As simple as that? No crazy schemes? No negotiations?
The Doctor: I’ve matured, I’m twelve hundred years old now. Plus I don’t want to miss The Archers.

The Doctor: This is Neffy, this is Riddell. They’re with me.
Amy: They’re with you? Are they the new us? Is that why we haven’t seen you?
The Doctor: No, they’re just people. They’re not Ponds. I thought we might need a gang. Not really had a gang before. Its new.

Riddell: Doctor, this is a two-man job. [Amy picks up a gun]
Riddell: What are you doing?
Amy: I’m easily worth two men. You can help too, if you’d like.

Brian: Sorry, sorry. Are you saying dinosaurs are flying a spaceship?
The Doctor: Brian, please don’t be ridiculous. They’re probably just passengers.

The Doctor: You don’t have any vegetable matter in your trousers do you Brian?
Brian: Only my balls.
The Doctor: I’m sorry?
Brian: Golf balls. Grassy residue.

Rory: I will take you apart cog by cog and melt you down when all this is over.
Robot: Oh I’m so scared. Actually I might be. A little bit of oil just came out.

Queen Nefertiti: You and The Doctor…are you his queen
Amy: No, no. I’m Rory’s Queen. Wife. Wife. I’m his wife. Please don’t tell him I said I was his queen. I’ll never hear the end of it.
Queen Nefertiti: And The Doctor, does…he have a queen?
Amy: I thought you had a husband.
Queen Nefertiti: A male equivilant of a sleeping potion.
Riddell: You clearly need a man of action, excitement. One with a very large weapon.
Amy: So human sleeping potion or walking innuendo. Take your pick.

The Doctor: Parallel pilot compartment. It’s bio configured, needs two operators of the same gene chain, that’s why Solomon couldn’t change the ships course and niether can we.
[Brian raises his hand]
The Doctor: What?
Brian: We can. Me and Rory, we must be the same gene thingy you just said.
The Doctor: Brian Pond, you are delicious.
Brian: I’m not a Pond.
The Doctor: Of course you are, sit down, both of you, lickity split.

[Rory and Amy looking out at a Dalek fleet in space]
Rory: So…how much trouble are we in?
Doctor: How much trouble, Mr Pond? [Enters, followed by two Daleks] Out of ten…eleven.

Prime Minister of the Daleks: What do you know of the Asylum of the Daleks?
The Doctor: According to legend, you have a dumping ground. A planet where you lock up all the Daleks that go wrong. The battle-scarred, the insane. The ones even you can’t control. Which never made any sense to me.
Prime Minister of the Daleks: Why not?
The Doctor: Because you’d just kill them!
Prime Minister of the Daleks: It is offensive to us to extinguish such divine hatred.
The DoctorOffensive?!
Prime Minister of the Daleks: Does it surprise you to know the Daleks have a concept of beauty?
The Doctor: I thought you’d run out of ways to make me sick, but hello again. You think hatred is beautiful?
Prime Minister of the Daleks: Perhaps it is why we have never been able to kill you.

The Doctor: You’re going to fire me at a planet? That’s your plan?! I get fired at a planet and expected to fix it?
Rory: In fairness, that is slightly your MO.
The Doctor: Don’t be fair to the Daleks when they’re firing me at a planet!

The Doctor: We’ll get through this, I promise. Don’t be scared.
Amy: Scared? Who’s scared? Geronimo.

[Having barely escaped from the Dalek puppets alive]
Amy: Is it bad that I’ve really missed this?
The Doctor: Yes.
Amy: Good.
The Doctor: I know!

Oswin: Unauthorised personnel may not enter the cockpit.
The Doctor: Oh, shut up!
Oswin: Ooh, Mr Grumpy! Bad combo! No sense of humour and that chin.
Amy: Is that her again? Soufflé girl?
The Doctor: Yeah, she – oi! What is wrong with my chin?!
Oswin: Careful dear, you’ll put someone’s eye out.

Oswin: Is there a word for total screaming genius that sounds modest and a tiny bit sexy?
The Doctor: Doctor. You call me the Doctor.
Oswin: I see what you did there.

Oswin: Hey there, beaky boy.
Rory: If it’s a straight choice, I prefer Nina.
Oswin: Loving this – the nose and the chin. You two could fence.

Rory: Amy, it’s me. Do you remember me? [She slaps him] She remembers me.
The Doctor: Same old Amy.
Oswin: Do you know how you make someone into a Dalek? Subtract love, add anger. Doesn’t she seem a bit too angry to you?
Amy: Well, somebody’s never been to Scotland.

The Doctor: A junior entertainment manager, hiding out in a wrecked ship, hacking the security systems of the most advanced warrior race the universe has ever seen. But you know what really gets me about you, Oswin? The soufflés! Where do you get the milk for the soufflés? Seriously, is no one else wondering about that?

Rory: So this is the kind of escape plan where you survive for about four seconds longer?
The Doctor: What’s wrong with four seconds? You can do loads in four seconds.

The Doctor: Ok, as soon as the force-field is down, the Daleks will attack. If it gets too explody-wody in here, you go without me, ok?
Rory: And leave you to die?
The Doctor: Oh, don’t worry about me. You’re the one beaming up to a Dalek ship to get exterminated.
Rory: Fair point. Love this plan.

The Doctor: Oswin? I think I’m close.
Oswin: You are! Less than twenty feet away. Which is the good news.
The Doctor: Ok…and the bad, which I suddenly feel is coming?
Oswin: You’re about to pass through intensive care.
[The Doctor enters a room full of caged Daleks]
The Doctor: What’s so special about this lot, then?
Oswin: Dunno. Survivors of particular wars. Spiridon, Kembel, Aridius, Vulcan, Exxilon. Ringing any bells?
The Doctor: All of them.
Oswin: Yeah? How?
The Doctor: These are the Daleks who survived me.

Oswin: I am Oswin Oswald. I fought the Daleks. And I AM HUMAN. Remember me.
The Doctor: Thank you.
Oswin: RUN! Run, you clever boy, and remember…

The Daleks: Identify yourself! Identify! Identify!
The Doctor: Well, it’s me! You know me! The Doctor! The Oncoming Storm? The Predator?
Darla: Titles are not meaningful in this context. Doctor who?
Prime Minister of the Daleks: Doctor who?
The Daleks: Doctor who?!
The Doctor: Oh, Oswin. Oh, you did it to them all! Oh, you beauty!
The Daleks: Doctor who?! DOC-TOR WHO?!
The Doctor: Fellas – you’re never going to stop asking.


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