13 Things I Will Do One Day

1- Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public.

2- Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other.

3- Wear shirt that says “Life.” Hand out lemons on street corner.

4- Get into a crowded elevator and say “I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here today.”

5- Major in philosophy. Ask people WHY they would like fires with that.

6- Run into a store, ask what year it is. When someone answers, yell “It worked!” and run out cheering.

7- Become a doctor. Change last name to Acula.

8- Change name to Simon. Speak in third person.

9- Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say “Help! I”ve been turned into a parrot.”

10- Follow joggers around in your car blasting “Eye of the Tiger” for encouragement.

11- Wait until someone is about to sneeze. Right before they do, loudly scream “PIKA PIKAAAAA.”

12- Buy a horse. Name it “Oscar Takes the Lead”, enter it in horse races.

13- Invite someone into your office, turn around in office chair and say. “I’ve been expecting you….”