I Don’t F’ing Know!

There are certain people in the world who always assume that I know everything. I keep telling them over and over again that I don’t know the answer to that question, that it’s not part of what I do, I have the exact same information you do, and that I’m not responsible for what you’re asking about, go ask the right person etc, and then these certain people run off crying to whoever will listen that I’m being uncooperative. Idiots.

Now to those idiots who might actually click the link on Facebook once I post this, please read on and let me help you understand how I’m just as clueless as you are:

Lets pretend I deliver mail* to your area and you just ordered a big giant metal chicken from the big giant metal chicken shop* and they promised you they’d deliver it in a week. Now I walk past your house every day delivering mail to your street, and every day from the moment that you placed the order for the chicken you stop me and ask the same questions, “Has the big giant chicken store shipped my chicken yet?” Now my answer to your question would be “I don’t know, call up the store and ask them, I’m just the mailman.”

A week later when I finally deliver that chicken to your doorstep and you start tearing apart the box because you can’t wait to hold it in your arms and hug it and tell it how much you love it, you discover that the big giant chicken shop sent you a yellow one instead of the red one you really really wanted so you start shouting at me and asking me why I screwed up and sent you the wrong color. Once again: I don’t work for the big giant chicken store, I work for the post office, call the store up and ask them why they screwed up your order.

A few days later you see me pass by your home again and stop me this time to ask when the big giant chicken store will stock new chickens, because the one you ordered is feeling lonely and needs a friend. Please understand that “I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. I WORK FOR THE POST OFFICE YOU MORON”

This is what I go through on a weekly basis and no one seems to understand that for most of the questions they ask me I really am just as clueless as they are and not as they seem to think uncooperative.

*I don’t deliver mail for a living and I don’t know if any big giant metal chicken online stores even exist in the world. And for those of you who know who I am and where I work, we don’t sell giant chickens, I swear.